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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Hair Haters


One of the reasons I have this blog is because it is an outlet to discuss reactions to natural hair. Recently, I have been experiencing some very negative comments about locks I'd like to share.


First Comment (from Black Male co-worker): "My mother would say why would you deform yourself like that intentionally?" He was referring to people that choose dreads/locs.


Second Comment: I was on my way to the airport with a guy friend. My mom was dropping us off. My mom who had not seen this friend in over 10 years decides to ask him, not about himself or what he's been doing, but about my hair. She says, "Do you like Sophia's hair?". He says, "no". I cringe and he continues, "She discussed it with me when she was considering them back in the day and I told her not to...". My mom just kinda smiled with satisfaction and was quiet the rest of the ride. I just laughed to myself.


My reaction: I think when people tell me they don't like my hair or natural hair, I see it not as them rejecting or disapproving me and/or my hair but their very own Blackness. Your judgments don't define others, they define yourself. The most important thing about your hair is how you feel about it. See above pic; I feel damn good!


Any Thoughts?

23 comments:

Naturalhair said...

Sophia, your mom sounds like my mom. Are you sure we are not related? LOL!! I agree that it is that person's problem if they don't like my natural hair. I must admit I have only heard one negative comment from one friend.I told her oh well I am comfortable with me. I found your blog because I am struggling with getting sisterlocks or just continue to work with my hair and let it grow out more. At this time it is 2 inches. Love you girl!!

Brown ButtahFly said...

Wow its sad when you can't get support from your own mother. When I was younge and me my mom was shopping for clothes if there was anything she didn't like she wouldn't say anything but you have to wear it not me. So why can it be that way with hair?

It also seems like she went out her way to make sure you knew that another person didn't approve of your locks, why oh why. GLad you could laugh it off, not sure what I would have done.

Take Care

Kicukalah said...

I chuckle within even though it's no laughing matter when black people think of our own natural hair as unkept or even deformed. What are you saying about yourself and your creator when you HATE your natural self, beit skin color, hair, or body? My hair was relaxed from pre-school age until a year and a half ago. It was all I knew. It was the way my mother started me out. I was completely ignorant to the issue of black people not finding beauty with who we are naturally.
Letting your hair be and do what it naturaly does is some sort of deformity. But subjecting your hair to harsh/dangerous chemicals until it literally falls out of your scalp or is damaged beyond repair is ok and beautiful? ***Chuckling****
Keep that beautiful smile on your face.

Nihu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Writing Addict said...

Hey Sweet Sophia! You look absolutely gorgeous and radiant in your picture! How can something which makes you feel so good about yourself be wrong?

I remember my 1st big chop and locing experience. My grandmother looked at me and told me that NO man would ever want me looking like that! HA! Now my grandmother mavels, and goes through my hair commenting on how beautiful it is.

You see some of our mothers are brainwashed and sold on the beauty ideals that have been thrust upon them. I just look at all the women in my family now. Years of abuse, wear and tear, weaves has taken a toll on their heads. Its a sad shame. I am proud of you for knowing who you are and not giving up!

Much Love!

Coco Pebb said...

I think that you made a profound statement, "Your judgments don't define others, they define yourself."

I agree 100%. I think the real struggle is getting to that place... where you are so comfortable with the person you are, inside and out, that you don't care about how others see you. Some people are born happy with who and what they are, and for others...it takes some time.

My first reaction to these comments is a 'deep eye roll' and a 'Hmmpf'. But on a deeper level, these comments probably stem from insecurities in the person making the negative comment or the infamous 'no comment'. In the end, I am happy to give people time to grow. I have been given that time and space and, in turn, I must allow others the same, family or otherwise.

Your hair is beautiful and that radiates all the way to my computer screen, so i am positive that the same is evident 'in person'.

Keep on keepin' on...Coco Pebb

GreenGirl said...

Hey Sophia,

I work with ignorant people, too (btw- not an insult, just means they're not educated on the matter and probably don't care to be)...It amazes me how most people feel more comfortable with fake hair and find naturally-worn hair to be socially unacceptable. Several of my co-workers have weaves, micro-braid extentions, and of course there are the ones who have perms, but they don't get nearly half the stares I do. Well, you coined it right- "HAIR HATERS"! I'll remember that the next time I'm having a conversation w/someone and I find them looking in my head instead of my eyes- I know this sounds familiar! Let's resolve to let our "hair haters" be our motivators! Stay beautiful, sis :)

Thandi said...

HA!Whatever!my mom is obviously a clone of yours.they don't get that we didn't do our hair to please them.Whether they like it or not won't change the fact that it's on our heads and will stay there till WE decide we're tired of it.I have a friend who's version is slightly different "Your hair looks nice when it's curled, you should curl it more often,I prefer you with curls" said over and over till I told her I'm not coming to see her cos my hair is straight and I'm not about to curl it for her!(She saw pics of me at a wedding with it curled)my hair may look ugly to others,but i don't care!

Gigglz said...

Mothers I tell you. If someone is giving me a compliment on my hair she will chime in "I like it when she curls it" I guess to her it looks more like permed hair! The first day my boyfriend asked her intentionally what she thought and she said I don't like it. From that day on I don't even bother asking her anything about it. She does say "wow its growing" yeah lets just see what she is saying in a year.

You're absolutely right though, anyone who is totally against natural hair or locks is definitely not in tune with themselve. Not only is it an acceptance of self, its an acceptance of there own people, roots, and culture.

Just wave and say "HI HATA"

Naturally Sophia said...

Naturalhair- LOL! I hope you will stay committed to your decision. I am very pleased with my hair and have found much freedom. I will support your blog and do my best to encourage you.

Naturally Sophia said...

Brown Butterfly- My mom sees her kids as a reflection of her. C'est la vie. Maybe she will come around one day. I have another incident regarding her I plan to blog about soon.

Thanks for stopping by dear. Congrats again!

Naturally Sophia said...

Kicukalah- THank you for your kind words. I feel similar to how you do. BTW, you also have a beautiful smile.

Naturally Sophia said...

Nihu- Thanks for commenting. I am not sure why you removed your comments but they gave me much comfort knowing that I am not the only one who gets this kind of grief. Your hair is beutiful and I am sure your home is too. You are right people sometimes say negative things to make themself feel better.

I hope you will visit again soon as I enjoy your presence on my blog.

Naturally Sophia said...

Writing Addict- Thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately, alot of things that feel good are wrong but this is not one of them!

I don't know why women think men will reject them for their hair or even care. For example, this guy still tries to run his fingers through my hair though he says he doesn't like it.

I don't know how to give up and I am not wrong as you said. It's sad that keeping my hair natural is revolutionary. But I am proud to be apart of the revolt.

Naturally Sophia said...

GreenGirl- I am sorry you have to experience the same tomfoolery I do. But you said it best, "Let's resolve to let our "hair haters" be our motivators!" You stay beautiful too!

Naturally Sophia said...

Thandi- Your hair doesn't look ugly to anyone. Some peopel can not accept that people make different choices than their own. You are right about the clone concept. When you think everyone should behave the same way, you make your way of being harder.

Naturally Sophia said...

Gigglz- You are so right. The funny thing abot her is that she likes natural hair and actually doesn't currently have a perm. She just does not like locks. But that's her issue not mine. Thanks for commenting.

Naturally Sophia said...

Coco Pebb- Thanks for your comments. I read the quote somewhere it it always seems to apply.

It does take time; I am getting to a place where I am tolerant more than I used to be of people who need that time and are in that kind of space.

You are beautiful too and I appreciate your feedback.

Euphoria's Sisterlocks said...

I feel you Sophia, my dad calls me nappy headed all the time & him & a few co workers say I need a perm, it offends me a little but at the same time I am thinking if you only knew the freedom that I feel you would be natural too, I think people always hate or criticize what they fear or don't understand, I think deep down inside they want to be natural but scared of what people may say, so they hating on us for being independent.

Naturally Sophia said...

Euphoria- That is an interesting point of view, hating on independence...My dad, however, loves myhair. I am glad my parents are balanced in this way. :)

Queen Nat said...

Sophia, your hair is beautiful and so are you!

ORGANIC said...

I am so glad that you have posted this. I am so tired of people supplying me with their negative comments about my hair. I am a teacher, and so of my students have even commented on my hair. I have heard everything from, "What made you do that and why," "I like your hair better when it was straight," and "You are not as attractive with that style as you were with the weave." What does this tell our daughters and sisters? I'll tell you what it says . . .It says hate your natural hair and make it look like another ethnicity. Thanks again because now I don't feel so alone in this journey.

Kittylocks said...

What a shame. I find that even those with chemicals in their hair love my locks but dont comment on this publicly. My Mum is 81 and cant wait for me to do her hair! she is growing out her latest perm. Your hair looks really great as usual.